Mass Effect 2

Mass Effect 2. A space epic in which dudes get shot, burnt & tossed. Bitches get charmed, laid & slapped.. and YOUR the cause of it all!

Your a space dude, not any space dude, but commander Shepard! Apparently your the big dick around these parts. I didn't play Mass Effect 1 and didn't bother watching the backstory, so I missed a whole heap of shit. I spent the opening hours of the game pretending I had amnesia. It made things fairly interesting not knowing people that knew me and easily being able to shatter their hopes and dreams with the press of a single conversation button. On the subject of conversations, this game has a LOT of them. In fact, I would go as far as to say that this game is one long fucking conversation with bits of shooting, burning and tossing in between. If your not the kind of person who wants to get immersed in a tale, then this game isn't for you. The shooting/burning/tossing is good, but without the loooooong conversations its nothing. 

I actually liked this game. No.. I REALLY FUCKING LIKED this game. It sucked me in so deep that I lost a couple of weeks of my sad existence of a real life. The story is fucking great and the atmosphere is always amazing. You could be visiting a prison planet to fuck shit up just to satisfy some psycho bitch you want on your crew, even though you dont like her one bit and hope that she dies later on. What about snooping around a billionaires penthouse just looking for something to steal, or keeping your eyes peeled for the next victim you can set fire to. You could be wandering through a forest feeling incredibly suspicious about the not-quite-right locals, who your sure are going to try and eat you, or bum you at any moment. Or, when you've had a few drinks in the nightclub and your aimlessly wandering around verbally assaulting people just to try and start a fight. Wait.. I forgot about that nightclub. They need to hire new door staff. Theres always a queue outside, but the club is always fucking empty. Perhaps, if they let some more punters in, then the club would have a better atmosphere and I wouldn't need to spend my visits stumbling around picking fights with oversized aliens who are obviously going to smash my fucking head right in!? 

This game has a stupid amount of locations to visit and each one is just as interesting and spectacular as the last. But, each location is actually very limiting in where you can go. In fact they are pretty much corridors, but somehow the game deceives you into thinking that you are in a small part of a huge environment. This is what Mass Effect 2 does and it does it brilliantly. You always think that you are in a fucking huge universe making important decisions and every time you tell somebody to get bent, or make friends with a dickhead because you feel that they're just misunderstood, the whole universe seems effected and can turn on you. 

Outside of the fuuucckkkiiiinnnggg loooooonnnngggg conversations is the action, which is solid shooting, burning, tossing fun. You can choose to upgrade your entire crew with abilities and have complete control over everything during the fights. Its a 3rd person, over-the-shoulder deal with a pause ability to choreograph the outcome of your battles. Your cast of characters are all of the alien, humanoid, mutant variety each with severe mental issues [although mostly interesting] that your going to have to deal with during the course of the game. The game plays out in a talk, travel, action, talk, travel, action kinda way and somehow manages to always keep things interesting.

If you want a lengthy & quality production videogame [I tried to do everything I could and clocked in at 37 hours], with plenty of action, your into sci-fi and have power-mongering tendencies, then this is the game for you. Buy it!

also, you can have sex with the women!